So I’ll just come right out with it: I had a bit of a falling out with M, the executive director of Organization C. It was hot, a gazillion things had gone the way they did – right or wrong – but at any rate, I was frustrated. There was a straw, and the camel’s proverbial back just went and broke. And I expressed my frustration. Which isn’t really…done here. The reaction from M was not kind…it was not comforting or reassuring – in point of fact it was a scathing and unwarranted attack on me as a person, with all sorts of unnecessary comments thrown in for color. I don’t know what I expected, but sadly, I think that was close to it. Thing is, I’ve been frustrated for quite some time, and of course I didn’t put off saying anything because I’m timid or cautious…hehe…anybody who’s known me for 20 seconds knows that’s not my way. I chose not to say anything because A) I couldn’t really see a positive outcome from voicing my concerns, and B) I was pretty sure that the response would not be pretty. On this particular occasion the heat – and that persnickety straw – just got to me and I let it out.
The truth is, I don’t feel any differently now than I did 3 seconds before I opened up about my feelings. I’m still frustrated, and I’m pretty certain not an iota of what I said was heard in the way in which I intended…I knew it was an exercise in futility, and I acknowledge that I just lost my patience. If there’s anything that feels new, it’s a whole lot of disappointment in M, as well as side order of resentment and disillusionment for desert.
So there are three things that come to mind, and in this order:
1. A tweet I read on deeshan.com that I later learned was from a Zen master called Gensha (apologies to those of you for whom this would be common knowledge): “If you understand, things are as they are. If you do not understand, things are as they are.”
2. The leaders who have come into my life have been many…the ones who have stayed have been few…and they have shared some very specific tendencies, uncanny success in the face of tremendous adversity among them. More simply stated, I’m learning – if a little awkwardly – what works.
3. Re: number 2, it’s not only the best people in our lives that help to mold us into the person we aspire to be…
Don’t worry – we were civil in the end, and said all of the obligatory things one should say in those uncomfortable moments following an unsuccessful attempt at seeing eye-to-eye. Dunno how it’ll pan out in the end, but for the moment I take solace in knowing that it’s near.
Oh – and, for the record, the title of this post is a direct quote from Democratic Consultant Richie Ross’ keynote address at the Economic Summit for a Better San Diego. Thanks to Activist San Diego for sharing.